MERDEKA spirit in us?

A really hectic day for me today.

Safwan and I planned to spend this Merdeka-day-off for a one-day-trip to Penang- for my ex-classmate's wedding reception. We planned it for the entire month-And I suddenly become that bloody perosak.

Actually, it wasn't me! But I was called to work..and it was a reallyyyyy late notice!

Sorry Safwan and Nana..really2 didn't mean to. : (

And sorry MADI.. Nak sangat gi sana.. hope you had a good reception! Really wish I was there.

If only they know how excited I was, planning and counting days for that Penang trip.. uwaaaaa..! I even got myself a new baju kurung you know!

I just couldn't describe my day at the office today-but y'all know.. pening! I balik as soon as my boss went out. Hahh!! Tak kuase nak tunggu kat situ lama-lama!

I was glued to the TV spas keje tadi..and found myself stucked to one local patriotic movie called EMBUN- dunno whether you guys tengok tak, but for me.. if you really put yourself into it, you'll find the movie really fascinating!

Dunno bout' you.. but for me.. we've been a spoil bread after all..

We celebrate merdeka with concerts..
We make fun of stories and spirits of elderly people... ashamed of being patriotic.. and take everything for granted... and I feel, whoever made that movie.. your contribution was awesome! That movie got me thinking.. of me..of my guts..of my courage..of my visions.. of my contribution.. Hahh.. for an instant, I feel really small..

And if you guys wonder why there are some people who are rich and some just don't.. Look into ourselves..

Is our guts and courage can be compared to those who are succesful? Are we ready to sacrifice our time and things we love? or even our lives? Coz those people do..Think!


Intann : Still looking for that spark of courage somewhere inside me.. Hope it's still there..

Happy Merdeka Day..and Selamat Pengantin Baru Madi..!

Nite guys!

The interview.

Everyone's asking me 'bout the interview i went on Friday.

Well.. hmm..how should i start?

I was kinda freak out at first on Thursday becoz a chat-friend suddenly pop-up one killer question. A general one; but enough to kill me. "Who's the Minister of Kementerian Perumahan dan Kerajaan Tempatan?"

........................ (Uwaaaaaaaaaaaaa....!!)

But later that evening, I jumped sebab one of my best buddy pun attend the same interview on Friday. So i invited her to my house and the next morning- at 6.40 we headed to Jalan Cenderasari,KL..

After wandering around Dayabumi building for quite some time-we finally got into a cab-pay 3 ringgit only to know that the road was only a crossing away! Hmmmphh...hampeh! Later we had to walked up a hill and reached the SPA office; comot,berpeluh-peluh..and panting all the way in.

We were welcomed by one 'screwed' lady (or should I say poyo?)-with a real loud voice...

"Jawatan??!!"

"Aaa...?Jabatan??" I got blurred.

"J.A.W.A.T.A.N....!!!!"

"Err..Ooohh..Ermm...Arkitek Landskap!" I finally got the answer.
Huhh..Kuatnyer suaraaa...konon aku takot lah! Citt.. Dapat satu topik nak kutuk once we get back to our seats.. hehehe.

Then i got my number. 7003. Room no 7. Interviewee no 3.

Hah..Lucky no. My PIRES no.. I giggled. Tak sedar diri takot nak jawab soalan tu!

I chatted with the no.2 girl. And after a while, the first guy came out. Hmm.. dunno how to describe his face. Panic, calm, nothing but silence. But after a while, he came and warned me to be extra careful.

"Diorang tanya siapa menteri ngan timbalan menteri ko..!"

I felt like fainted and everything inside me was running out of place!

"Spas tu.. Ketua Setiausaha negara ko tau sapa..? Haaa..itu ah yang diorang tanya.." he added, with frown in his face.

Before I got blur and blur.. I grabbed my hp and called abah.Hehehh..

"Err..abah?? Sapa aa nama bisan pak ndak tu? He's still the KSN ah?"

After got the answer.. I tried hard to memorize his name .. huh..mintak2 lah diorang tanya soalan senang2...I prayed...

Then. MY TURN!! Calmly I walked .. And i saw both of the men were smiling and the first words they uttered to me was.."RILEKS.."

And I found myself very comfortable with that.

"Asal mana?"
" Langkawi..."..
And as expected..banyak giler soalan pasal my kampung. Wonder why people sooooo eager bout that place.

"Tau sapa KSN kita..?"
"Ermm..Tan Sri Shamsuddin Osman.."
"Hah!! Tau awak ye...?" he seemed impressed, while I pretend to smile... (Pheeww!!)

And then, questions 'bout sports. Hahh..

"You like sports?"
"Very much!"
"You watch Olympics..?"
Oh no.....! "Erm.. A little.. Only football and tennis matches".. deep down I prayed...

" Who's leading now..?" haa..sudahhhh...
"Ermm..USA?".. he nodded and smile.. but not yet finished with that.
"Second?"
Haik..Tak puas hati nampak! I began to think.. and came out with China. He nodded again and laugh outloud! .. "Kata tak tengok?"

Then the second guy asked me technical questions - which got panicked at first. Then to see him smile in his calm face, I felt more relaxed and began to think..wisely..i suppose. I tried my best to answer him.. management..design..maintenance..and the list goes on.

After about half and hour..I finally finished with them. And slowly walked out that room-smiling.

Haaaaa.....................lega rasanya. The rest I leave it to the Almighty..whether I'll be selected or not. But deep down I pray.. (so desperately!)

And outside..Kak Mas and the first guy dashed towards me..everyone with different questions..

"Susah tak?? hah??"

"Dia tanya tak sapa Timbalan Menteri?? hah? Ko boley jawab tak??"

"Apesal aku dengar diorang gelak ajer..? Ko buat awak ke hah??"

Banyaklah aku nak buat lawak kat dalam tu. Aku yang kena gelak.. heheheh.. After about an hour chatting and getting to know every body there.. Kak Mas and I went for breakfast with Wan- the 'first' guy with so much to talk about. With our loghat kedah - we went along so well as if we were classmates, or even siblings! he gave us a lift and dropped us at the dataran merdeka, then we headed to Petaling Street..

Shopping sppreeeeeee...................................!!! heheheh..


Intann : Sakit kakiii.............uwaaaa..................................!

Freaky night..

Everyone's at home except Kakak and Abg Akmal.

Abang and Kak Nurul arrived around 6, and Arween was the only one jumpin' to see her mama.

After dinner, and got all 4 KUTUs mandi and everything..suddenly a weird sound came from outside. Exactly during Maghrib.

"Mooooooooooooo..............!"

Uskk..sapa pulak bela lembu nih..?

"Weh? hang dengaq ak?" i asked my sister. She laughed. "Dengaq.."

And the sound went on continuously. The kids were upstairs with tok, and tokwan went to surau.

"Mooooooooooooooooooo....................!!" We were laughing and planned to tease the kutus..

Abah balik dari surau and warned us not to tease the kids with the sound. It happened to be makcik and maksu yang takot spas tu! Abah found out on his way back from the surau that the lembu is for 'chasing ghost' used by our new Indian neighbour just opposite our house. They are moving in tomorrow and the cows will be used as I-dont-know-what-they-call "good spirit" to chase away ghosts or whatever remainings in the haunted house.

Yes. The house is haunted. Once, there was a Chinese bank manager who commited suiside in that house..he shot himself in the head. That was before we moved in here in 1997.. but our neighbours were talking about it since forever. But tonite..suddenly the stories got me freakin' out; with the moos sound...plus.. words from my tah hapa2 brother...

"Weh..hantu tu tak lintas jalan ka??" he laughed..

"Mana tau.. kot-kot dia dok kat ataih beranda tu..dok buat macam ni" He acted by putting his fingers to his head.. as if a pistol .. and continued laughing.. and he got excited to see us ternganga .. scared by the stories. "Hampehh toi lah budak abang nih!" I grumbled.

And he laughed outloud when my sister and I asked each other as accompany - to the toilet.

"Satgi ada la muka cina dalam toilet bowl tu!"

And we continuosly seranah him.. hampehh!

Finally-the thing we've waited for..ARSENAL VS NORWICH CITY.. 12.10 am.

Hahh..Pires's playing..heheh.. The first half was brilliant. Arsenal lead with 3-0. Henry, Pires and Reyes scored. Second half was boring.. Norwich City got their penalty kick as their sole goal-and arsenal add one more goal by Henry for the final score of 4-1.

But the suiside story still lingering in my mind..(up until now!) .. And I don't remember what time i dozed off last nite..

Intann : Hishh.. hampeh tul citer2 nih!

A long and tiring weekend!

My mum missed arween so much that we had to kidnap her home on Friday.

Ingat nak rest..but after had our foot reflexology massage this evening-we went to kidnap Adam and aqil pulak.. And as usual.. the tiring party started.

Of course their abah and mama were sooooo excited 'bout we taking their sons to tok wan's house...

The moment they saw my face .. they were already jumping!

"Nak ikot achikk!! Nak ikott..Nak ikott!.." They ran towards the door.. feared to be left out.

"Adik jangan naughty tau!?" Kakak warned Aqil..

"Ya!!"

"Jangan kacau adik arween tau??!" another warning.

"Ya!!"

Haaaa...makcik dah penat dah..he was jumping and singing all the way from the apartment to my house.

And Tok was soooo surprised to see them ..!

And there we go.. makcik's already screaming......like an old makcik..hahahhahaa...

"Adaammmmmmmmmmmm!!!!"

"Aqilllllllllll......................!!!"

Intann : Wonder how I'll be.. A MOTHER?? Heheehhehehehhe.....

Me..feelin' down...

Arsenal won their 3rd match against Blacburn Rovers last night with 3 goals to nil. My sis and I excitedly watched 'em - though I dozed off couples of time..glad they made another record in EPL when i'm still their ardent fan.

But, my smile turns to sour when i confessed to my mom I withdrawed quite a large sum of money from my savings account..And as expected, she was extremely MAD and nagged me all morning. In an instant, I felt useless and.. sad and..empty..and..everything bad!

Why me? (what kind of question is that?)

But , i really dunno what to say... or think or whatever it is. I couldn't help to calm down and i realise my face was frowned all the way to my office.

I have an important interview tomorrow and now..i'm feeling like this. Oh God..please give me strengh to accept everything that is my fault..

I feel like i'm a bad and useless child - i hurt them.. but i swear that is the last thing on my mind. I just want them to know - I'm a changed person.

And I love them so.

Intann - Life is realllllyy tough when it comes to matters relates with trust and love.

Blurryyyyyy...........

I had nasi goreng cendawan for lunch just now. Alone.

I'm not used to eating alone, but today..just wanna make sure my mind's free and happy..and happy..and happy..: )

I have loads of drawings..and sketches..and perspectives to do. And again..all ALONE. Still.. that's my work. And I have to accept - that i will be doing it for the rest of my life.. Or.. i'll be broke.. easy to say right? Hahah..

Called mon cher in Tepeng twice, but still miss him so.

Intann : Hmmm... wat to do aah?? please help. This loneliness is killin' me. Hah..! wonder why this office is soooo sunyii... dengar lagu lah.. Ok guys.. back to work!

HAPPY WORKING... : )

Simply sensational!

I had a good..good..gooooood..weekend baru nih. Heheh..

SATURDAY
Mon cher was in town. (Grinnnnnnnn)..hahaha..

Free ticket to Sunway Lagoon. I had fun looking at adam and aqil, both were scared to swim. Kelakar lah those guys.. physically tough.. but takutt.. they were both clinging to me all the time we were inside the pool. Orang lain cool ajer main air.. ini nak gi dekat air pun dah ketar lutut! Lil' shopping kat Pyramid-sampai flat!

Mon cher agreed to spend a nite here and accompanied me to Seremban- to Nida's wedding reception on the next day. Although penat sangat-still.. delighted sangat sebab ..ermm..dunno..feelin' complete i guess. Thanks mon cher!

Abg Bad and Kak Fairuz stayed au chez moi that nite..and as expected, we went for tosey fiesta again. But i was tooooo tired to eat.. my sis was excited 'bout EPL matches - have to make sure Man Utd lose again. Guilty jugak sebab can't really spend time with them - chattin' or watching matches ..at about 12..I dozed off..

SUNDAY
We were suppose to depart from home at 8..but I woke up at 7.40 to be precise. Saje tanak tension2 sebab lambat..so we calmly siap and just took our sweet time siap etc. Mon cher was with his new shirt.. : )

Headed to Seremban- smooth traffic..breakfast..another lingerie and shirt for mon cher at seremban parade.. (haha..) at about 1 - to nida's new house..and also my first ever bungalow design erected on earth! hahahhaa.... they had a quite big reception-with 6 khemah for guests. Anak sulung..

Met a few ol' buddies from school.. apparently they were shocked to see me..(hehehhhe..) with faizah uttered one name I don't know when i addressed her. Hahahhaa.. The nice thing is.. Nida, Faizah and me-finally had chance to take photo together..with our love ones!

Huaa..I thought I just wanted to jot down few sentences in this update.. tapi dah macam theses dah nih! I am suppose to finish up one BIG plan.. for Kajang dev..but apparently way tooo excited bout my last weekend huh? hahahhaa..

And now.. the SENSATIONAL story...
I had to chauffer my abah and mama to Shah Alam that nite- he promised me that the reception will finish at about 10 and we can head home for Arsenal game at 11. But to my dismay, at 10 they still haven't eaten yet. Then..all my fatigue and pening2 came at once! Start lah seranah people at the kenduri why they had to leave people stayed so long! At 11.15 abah finally called and I rushed home . Hahaha.. Kemain lagi lah speed.. It was 1-1 draw - and we were glued to the tv.

2nd half started. Every players were frowned. And Middlesborough were dominating the game. First 10 minutes was a disaster. Hasselbaink and Quedrue scored fantastic goals..and left arsenal at 3-1..! I was kinda choked of nothing. Oh noooo..is it tonite..??are they losing?? Dah ler diorang nak beat Nottingham Utd nye record for 42 games unbeaten..! but deply in my heart.. i believe that they'd make it a draw..

And suddenly- Berkamp made a wise move and scored.. within that 10 minutes also.. hah..then only everyone in the team, and everybody at Highbury went crazy..termasuk 2 ekor kat umah tuu.. hahaha..it was 3-2. I knew they can do it!

At 60th mins- Arsene made way to mon PIRES to show off his skills.
And four minutes after that.. he proved it. My sis and I were both jumpin' off our feet! Hahahhahaa... Finally..That was really a relief.. and fun to see the opponents were running their hearts out to defend...

And we shouted and went crazy again when suddenly reyes shot a breathtaking goal.. 4-3! And Kak Kin, who was asleep in the room went out and frowned. Lantak laaaa..........

10 minutes to final whistle- Henry put Arsenal wayyyyy in front .. with another goal..and we went crazy again..and againnnnnn........!

What a weekend! After cerita everything to mon cher.. I went to sleep... SMILING...

Intann : ...................................... ( speechless!!)

Empty decorations..

Indecisive - Empty Decorations


I wake in the dark
Showers of light
Moments of emptiness around
Floating away
No rays of hope
Reality brings me to the ground

What can I do?
What can I say?
I need a place to hide away
Just for a while, just for a smile
Just for the life I used to know

For every song was filled with words of love and not of anger
What if they go?
What if they leave me far behind?

'Cause I don't wanna be alone.. (uh oh)
Living life for on my own (uh oh)
I don't want to live my life in isolation
Filled with empty decorations'
Cause I wanna be with people that I know
Who would do the things I do (uh oh)
Making all my dreams come true (uh oh)
I don't recognize the shadows at my door
Though I've seen them all before
Because the only thing I really want..
Is to be with you....

I look at the sky,
That looks back at me
I'm getting a silent melody
I know that I'm here

And I am lost
Alone and confusion by the breeze
Hiding my face, crying alone
I need to find my way back home
Back to the place
The wonderful days
Livin' the life I used to know
For every smile was born out of the love and our sincerity
And every tear from all the glowing joy

[chorus]x2'
Cause I don't wanna be alone.. (uh oh)
Living life for on my own (uh oh)
I don't want to live my life in isolation
Filled with empty decorations
'Cause I wanna be with people that I know
Who would do the things I do (uh oh)
Making all my dreams come true (uh oh)
I don't recognize the shadows at my door
Though I've seen them all before
Because the only thing I really want..
Is to be with you....

Is to be with you
Living life for on my own (uh oh)
I don't wanna live my life in isolation
Filled with empty decorations'Cause
I wanna be with people that I know
Who would do the things I do (uh oh)
Making all my dreams come true (uh oh)
I don't recognize the shadows at my door
Though I've seen them all before
Because the only thing I really want..

Is to be with you....

Well-said advise..from an unknown..

My sis forwarded me this blog.. her frens's fren's frens' blog. hehh.. lantaklah sapa punye.. but i kinda like what she's blabbering around.. same age as mine and probably got the same thoughts too... I agree quite a lot with her words.. for instance this one.. of she said how other people ( i think what she means is people who already married) should give more support and positive advices towards newly married and singles who's still looking for partners - as what she referred to 'threats' of how miserable can a marriage be. Come'on ol pals.. you guys should show us matured acts and words aa.. bukannya demoralise us lagi..

let's hear what's viv's got to say..

"if anyone is scared, it would be him cos the article contained quite a lot of ammos against us girls.. but it got me thinking, do these so-called tips for newly-weds (or soon-to-be engaged couples) work? or are they just a scam some ms.oldmaid or mr.bachelor-forever spread around to spook us cos they wanna make the rest of us as miserable as them?

don't mean to throw accusations, just that i'm just a lil confused with all these 'rules of thumb' of marriage. they make it sound so easy -leave that guy if he doesn't fulfil so and so.. ditch that girl if she lacked a certain criteria. what happens if he's all nice but lepas kahwin becomes incredible hulk? or if she's so the proper but after marriage becomes britney (not that anything's wrong with britney. in fact, most guys fantasize about her)? most of those stuffs we only find out after being married to that person what.

i know we shouldn't base our matrimonial needs on feelings alone cos most marriages tend to be routine (or lack in romance) after a certain number of years, so it's only logical that both partners possess some desirable qualities other than being cute & having nice butts.

nonetheless, i still think how u feel towards the other person is more important than his/her abilities to fix that darn pipe/cook/sew/mow the lawn/drive the car etc. think all their idiosyncrasies can be endured if we really sayang that person (or at least have tact & diplomacy when the other person's too demanding).

having said that, i also think marriage (like other things in life) is pretty much a gamble. not that i wanna have a clause before marriage, but it's the truth. u'll never know what will happen in the future. i for one, hate irregularities. i'm most monotonous a person can get, so i'm definitely afraid of changes (especially changes in feelings & behaviour). a gamble, like the ones at genting, is risky. don't know whether the principle of 'higher risk gives higher return' can be applied here.

how can a relationship be pleasant if there are threats everywhere? threats like what? i dunno, distance maybe.. or the fact that ur partner has a creepy mother.. or the fact that his bestfriend is so hot?that's why i'm sceptical at those tips for soon-to-be maried couples.

i think every couple is unique in their own way. some may be ok with this, others with that. like, i don't mind if my bf doesn't shower me with flowers or gifts (had all of that before & look what it did to me) but some girls may demand their guys to practise chivalry. i know that those tips are always 'in general', yet they may still cause one to feel bad if he/she doesn't do what he/she is supposed to.."

words by VIVA..check out her blog ---> http://viva.blogdrive.com/archive/cm-08_cy-2004_m-08_d-18_y-2004_o-0.html

Hella good!

What a day today..!

I finally have time to breathe..although I prefer to stay home and sleep. It's the same ME..stucked in this lil' office - ALONE AGAIN.. but today's different. 3days before, i worked around the clock to finish the Kajang project - and today's the presentation. He wanted me to do the presentation at first-but since he didn't finish his work- so he has to do all the answering with the client. Padan muka! hehehehhe..

Nothing doing. PC selalu hang and I'm not into anything today. Rasa best sangat ! And I finally can send my resume to 2-3 tempat... and finish up my davidoff contest.. hak..hak.. suka sangat FREE hari nih..

Remember yesterday I was grumbling about myself and everything around me..and suddenly get cooled down for no reason..? I have no instinct or anything..but I accepted my chillin' feelin' yesterday as a good start of being positive..

And when I got home yesterday, an interview letter was on my dad's bed. I was thrilled. Wow..another TEST? This is what i've been dreaming for.. a permanent job with the government...Part of me was jumping and another part was whispering pessimis words in my ears.. 'will there be another heartbreak after 3 major upset news i heard this year..?

No! This is not certainly not myself. Try first girl. Go for it!

The thing is.. I am scared. Maybe a bit skeptical with what's going on and whatever things that already happened to me recently. Mama said to me.. 'If God has written that the job is for you..then nothing to worry.. it'll be yours. If not.. stay where you are. There might be another better offer coming'.

Everyone was excited when I told them about the news.. mon cher..etc.. but apparently I 'm thrilled.

Thank GOD I have one whole day to rest my mind today.

What to do ah? There's still 45 mins to head back home. Haahhh.. home sweet home.. My sister forwarded me a few blogs to read... nice.. bleh habiskan time baca blog orang.. kinda learn wat's in people's mind.. and how they speak it out..OUTLOUD. Let's hear what he thinks about love. haha..

"Ehm...to me, true love is demonstrated when you can overlook his/her mistakes and love him/her your best possible ways. Security and stability in a relationship will eventually result in a couple trying that hard to treat each other with love and of course, respect.
So peeps, I'd say - go fall in love. Passionately. Ardently, if you're young. Give it your best shot."

"Check out the site on the movie. and tell me guyz, do u think love comes softly? which brings up the next question - can love ever be based on simply physical needs? Is it enough to stick to someone just for the sake of convenience? whatever happens to real feelings? u know, sexual stuffs aside.and... ouh, how about lust? do we stream together love and lust when we look for that special someone? Has finding your perfect soulmate become an impossible quest nowadays? With all the short-lived relationships, there seems to be alot of hurdles for couples only for them to have permanent break-ups. Makes me wonder - why bother to fall in love then? Back to work i guess..."

And this quote .."coffee : how do you turn your eyes...from the romantic glare?"

Halo encik... that's my favorite song aa... hahaha...I only know him from my sis who's doing practical training in central KL.Never met him whatsoever. I just know him by name. I read his blog - and find it..very interesting! A lot of things that really make sense. Hmm.. That's why orang selalu cakap.. go and get some friends.. and you'd probably knows everything in the world..hahah..

Erghhh.. i miss my nephews and nieces... nothing but smile on my face.

Intann : Let's see if tomorrow is going to be tolerable to me.. Mon cher..i miss you!!

At last .. unruffled.

Finally I got myself and my thoughts back.

Still sittin' on the same chair, listening to music mon cher gave me recently.. they really keep me accompany. Thanks mon cher. An ol' 80's song which i used to listen when i was a kid- Tommy Page's A shoulder to cry on. I'm cool now.. no more protests or grumbles.

I took my thoughts for a short tour. To remember that I still have A LOT of things and LOVE ONES by my side. To remember that there's still other people who is far in need than I am.

I wonder what I'd do if God suddenly put me in a war town or something.. Will I fight to survive..? Will I just lay there waiting to die..? Will I help others..? What would I do..?? Hah..? Will my soul ever get strong..? By hook or by crook.. I have to be strong.. I have to be.. Nobody else will help me.. they'll surely covering their own ass !

So..Intann..? Ready to take the steps..?

It's 2nd of Rejab now. I guess it's time to get back to things you've taken for granted for quite so long now... and you know you can never get any stronger without the blessings of God.

Me..against myself.

I'm listening to the corrs ol' song- 'don't say you love me'.. kinda drag me into another world..a place i once comfortable with.. that's what i fancy about songs.. make me wander to my good ol' days.. bad days.. haha.. nev'mind... right now i'm enjoying every words of it..

..'don't say you love me ..unless forever.. don't tell me you need me ..if you are not gonna stay..don't give me this feeling.. i'll only believe it..make it real.. or take it all away... ' - haa.... nice song..

Lunch hour. In this empty office. With chocolate bun beside me. When I walked in the office this morning - i couldn't describe how i was feeling. I felt tired, sleepy, angry, crushed ( for no reason) , grumbled all the way in.. all becoz i really hate this place. Only God knows how i felt. I don't know how to react or do as there's no option for me to think of! There's no one to blame..or nobody to help. It's just me against myself. Against my thoughts, my self esteem, aghhh.. eveything 'bout me..!

My boss went in and out.. to hell with him. I don't really care.

Do I deserve the wish..? : 'i want someone to understand me..' when i don't understand myself at all..

Intann : I need more air.

Saved by the bell..

Me, dans ce petit bureau, toujours. Je veux à menjeritttt hors bruyant.. espérant que quelqu'un m'aidera.

Aide ! Helpppp...........!!

And today is giving me headache. My boss went for another meeting and came back with really bad news. He wanted me to stay to finish all the work.

Oh God ..I really need something - take all this out of my headd!!!

I don't know whether my boss is insane or not. He's expecting me to finish all the jobs: working drawings-perspectives-printing etc..all in one day..! Its not that I cant do all that- its just ME ALONE. If there's another couple's of days then maybe okey la...but with another project also with the same dateline- come'on.. where do i start...??

Luckily, the architect called and said that I can still hold my work for there'll be another meeting this Thursday. Perhaps there's more to amend - and dia dengar kot my endless sighs just now on the phone. hahah.. at first he offered me to stayback at his office so that he can guide me thru- but i hardly knows him - so tayahh lah. Mama and abah is home today. I want to see them first.. hehe..then only the chocolats from Langkawi. Yeyeyehhh!! hehehhee..

I got the chance to chat with mon cher at lunch time just now. At our age - I think I might get carried away with emotions. Not to be spesific - we had a lil' conversation which finally awaken me up from my dreams. With everything I've said and dreamt about - is sadly still far and faraway from me. I kept on dreaming of it.. without realising that I'm hurting someone I love. Mon cher.. I really mean it when I apologize to you just now.. et je t'aime beaucoup.

Sincerely speaking. I thought all the dreams and fantasies I had is suppose to be my sole encouragement - and when the time comes- it is suppose to be an ambition : that I know I can get it..or achieve it.

But still.. I have to accept that.. To get or to achieve something, we need STEPS and PATH that will guide us thru. And what really matters - is the circumstances we face when we take the steps.. And if I don't dare to take the steps.. I will go on dreaming. Sad kan..?

So.. where's my first step..? ( And I need you mon cher to guide and be with me..) Thanks for your words just now. Miss u a lot!

And I guess.. being here in this petit office is one of my obstacles in finding my future. Have to stop all the grumbles and complaints from now on.. (Hahh.. life's exciting right..?) But the most important is.. is to value and cherish your life accordingly.. as you like..and share it with your love ones.

I watched 'Love comes softly' on the Hallmark channel last night (again!) and still I cried all thru out the movie. I know i got myself carried away again- but I wonder.. are people in the world knows the meaning of love actually..? The movie touched me soooo deep as if I can feel the love flying all over.. hahahha...That movie will get me all drenched up again next time..I bet!

Y'all....cherish your love. (And i will cherish mine!)

Intann : Mon cher, merci. Et je t'aime beaucoup..beaucoup..beaucoup...

New me?

It's monday again. Believe it. Buang masa ajer if you still cannot accept that time is moving soooooooooo fast and that you're having a tough time in life.

Oh no. Must remember my resolution last week. POSITIVE. Okey..okey..

It's monday-but different from other mondays. Today i have loads of works to do. I 've finished with Platinum Condo drawings last week- and now come newly proposed Kajang housing development. Presentation on coming thursday and I have to start from zero. ALONE. My boss?? dunno where he is- but thank GOD he's not here. haha..

I have so much to say-but no time at all. Right now i'm chatting with mon cher-now in his hometown for a short break. Something's coming up i guess - we have to stop chatting for a while. Alaa.. already 1.30. Have to stop now. Get back to y'all after Thursday !!

Intann : The truth is- I'm still the same. It's just things surrounding me is moving and evolving and changing.... do not worry. Okey?

Hard habit to break..

My PC ( my favourite PC!! ) broke down..again.. *^#@(*&%... huh.. nice words to start a new day huh..?

I was dreaming today would be a 'nice' day to me..

But..forgotten to wake mon cher up this morning was a clear sign..it was almost 8 when i finally realised i haven't wake him up yet! (..huuu..that was close..!) so.. better forget my-nice-day-dream...uwaaaa....!!

While having my potato bun (with peanut butter!) this morning, with the sport news on tv- I let myself to ponder pasal life..my life..is it what i want..? is it enough for me..? or want something else..? or..i want something 'extra'..?

It's not selama ni I haven't give a thought about it.. cuma .. i was thinking whether i'll be facing the same boring day today..then my mind wander pulak pasal macam-macam.. why am I like this..? why I dont have that..why I don't have this..? how can i be like them..? All sorts of questions rammed my head - (sigh..) I know i sound ungrateful once again..but sometimes i feel insecured..and scared to imagine myself in the next 10 or 20 years to come..have y'all feel the same ? At one point - I feel lost.. If you ask me what my future plans are- you name it. I have everything ( i repeat..EVERYTHING!! ) listed in my mind - ideally organized. But.. that reality 'gravity' is pulling me down.. confusing my guts and let me stucked on earth again-demoralised by my own thoughts.. ! Wondering whether my plan will go smoothly for me is really a big deal.. What if i failed..? what if something happen on the way? what if..what if..hughhh...!! What is wrong with me..? Why is everything seems to be so wrong for me..?? (not including you mon cher.. you are the best ever happen in my life!) ..

So this is it..! the 'WHAT IF..' ni yang selalu make me insecure...

The thing is.. this thinking-of-future-stuffs really shaken me out. Is that I don't have enough price..or capability like others who make tonnes of cash..?? I'm craving to become a person. I mean- a complete one. And above all..happy. Or I asked too much..? Or all those stuffs ain't for me..? Or I have to be lil' more patient and wait for it to come..? Ohh..i really don't know...: (

Maybe for now - I need to figure out my own mistakes first. Maybe it's me who don't have enough guts to become a positive person is the core reason.. hah.. memang pening.. another sigh won't help..I know.. : I

So..that will be the best thing I can do - learn to know myself-instead of blaming others for anything I can't achieve. They're right.. Anything that happen.. will always comes back to you. I'll give more thoughts of it.. mm.. (sigh..!)

Wish me luck..!

Me..and silence..

I can't believe i'm here. At this tiny office.At this moment. Me - staring hopelessly at the monitor. Adie- who is now teaching - just gave me one stupid idea : 'panas..? masuk dalam peti ais...' mamat tu sorang memang nak kena dari dulu lagi.... heeeeeeeeeeeeee....

The prob is: I'm not hot. I'm feeling lonely - with so much silence in here. They simply cut me into pieces.. Someone..please help..!

One more hour to go..By right- I should head home at 5.30. But since my boss called just now telling me he's not coming back to office - haa...good chance! My sister already grumbled when I ask her to walk to my office instead of me picking her up at the lrt station. Alaa.. ada pasar malam downstairs - so she can leisurely walk pass thru food ape.. bukannya jauh sangat pun.. heheh..

Since morning- i've been thinking of what to eat for buka puasa afterwards. My sister already book tickets for Catwoman - mon cher dah warn: takde tempat lain ke yang lagi afdal nak buka puasa...?? heheh..(grin)..

Ughhhh.. what to eat aa..? Semuanya nak.. diet pun nak..nak makan pun nak.. penin la aku ni....

Just now, i almost fall asleep. Pening sangat. Maybe sebab fasting ni- tapi at certain point, sometimes rasa nak marah pun ada jugak.. (Usk.. Am I in control of myself..? ) Takkan sebab sunyi + boring, I tend to feel upset..?

Ha..I know.. mesti jangkitan yesterday ni..Yesterday was a quite a bad day . I tried my best to keep my day soothing but it ended horribly. Me, feeling guilty and terrible. Why on earth we got so many sarcastic people living..?? Hate their tongue!!!

I can feel my brain moves so slow.. But.. It's the matter of 'me' dealing with my own guilt and accept it. People can just say what they think - who cares ?? whoever hurts people's feelings ... either they deliberately did it or they just don't realize it. But in my case.. I'm sure the words were all well kept, waited until the right moment ..and then pointed it right on my face. .

Is this all I have to face for being adults..? Gross man..!

I read a few blogs today - most are very good and entertaining. My favourite - Gongkapas Times. I assume they have such passion to write simply because they really like writing. But me..? I know I can't write as good as they are. But, for me.. it's good to have something we can talk to.. kan? Lantaklah what I write.. as long as I feel free..

But not in this silence..! I started to miss abah and mama..mon cher.. tv at home..bantal.. etc..etc.. helpp!!!

:: Intann - bring me to life..

My best friend's wedding..

I read my best friend's email just now.. suddenly i felt lost.

She asked me whether i already got the invitation card-which i did received last week. I was planning to call her but - with so much to think- i forgot. As usual- we talk.. She told me that she's been counting days now-12 days to go. She's getting married..!! Can you believe it..? She was the one I used to quote as 'kanak-kanak riang' - as she's a petite gal.. ( now I dunno- its been months since I last met her) but for sure..selalu hilangnye lah kat supermarket tu! hehhehehe....

At the end of the mail, she wrote - although she's married- we shall be friends - the same as we used to be. That 'lost' feeling dragged me into tears.

I replied her mail. Promise her that i will be the same..as i wish her too. I was crying while typing-as if being so skeptical- (of what?? of losing her..?) I am glad she's getting married.. She's a good person - and definitely deserve a good one also. (Yeen..better be good to her, ok?)

It's been 10 years now since I met her and since then-we never stop talking! 10 years..? Can u believe that nida? All sorts of stories was once our topics- studies, exams, boys, love, crushes, heart-breaks, new friends..ol' friends.., then love again..drop-dead-cute-office-attire guys, my ANs..your ABANs..hahahah.. so much we've said and laughed about.. and I miss all that.. so much..

Am I being ridiculous?

Aghh..i'm crying again..! I told her in the email that I am happy for her.. after all that we've thru together.. and all the thing that we used to talk and laugh about- but somehow..now.. I am feeling awkward to say that i'm happy to have her as a friend.. and how I love our memories together..all everything we had. How am I going to say that..? (Oh no..now I am being ridiculous!)

I know i wouldn't have enough guts to tell her all that..verbally- for I will definitely burst into tears by the time I see her nanti...

To you, nida- we both know we don't really talk 'bout our friendship as much as we talked pasal our love life and love ones kan..? So , i guess this is the perfect time we give it a thought.. a deep one. I'm so lucky and thankful - that God has send me a dear friend when i'm in need. I'm happy for you..and i promise we'll be the same.. cuma it's you yang takleh gelak over sebab you already got a mom-in-law ..! haha.. ( Wait till my turn.. she'll laugh back!) tau dahhh...

:: Intann : Nida, this page is for you.. as a friend i really cherish- as long as I live.

'Kucing betina..'

My brother always come up with silly words- and usually we all ended up laughing about it.. Words like..'harrraaammm...'..'sadissss..' tu semua memang kat mulut la...!My sister and I were suggesting going for Halle Berry's latest show- Catwoman. We usually 'have' to be accompanied by him..and his wife. But plan malam ni - only us ajer sebab mama abah tader kann.. hehehe...

I'm writing from office. No urgent work to do. Still.. a lot of calls to do..

Where is my 'intann to do' list?? hah?

Tapi my fingers still on this keyboard- chat ngan adi n my sis. hish..macam2 plan lah kami nih! Nanti bila dah petang mulalah kalut..heheh..

Err..best ke cerita kucing betina tu...? mon cher said it was given so much publicity-but-not as he expected.. heh.. dunnolah how comic-addict talks bout their stuffs. I usually end up angguk ajer.. hehe.. malam kang my turn pulak nak komen.

Hah.. makan invitation again! I have another sister who endlessly ajak both of us to her house. She's the one with two boys (sorang penakut-sorang gi energetic terlebih!) Alternate week - she'll be alone sebab her hubby is out to work. Just don't imagine how are these 2 boys are..! So - if ada invitation ajak makan n tido at her place tu.. equals to babysitting up until 1-2 in the morning. Haha..dunno lah air bateri cap apa yang diorang minum..

oit! nak gi tak ?

:: Intann - movie..works..borang to settle.. what to eat tonite..? buy ink cartridge..bla..bla..the list goes on.... haaaaaa......(yawn..)

EPL fever is on!

Monday again.. mmm.... : ) Did I forget something..?? ermm.. kejut mon cher bangun tido..CHECKED! makan ubat..CHECKED! forms etc..CHECKED! so.. dahh.. mon cher start his final exam today.. (wish u luck!)

Saje jer kuar dari rumah 5 mins to 9. My boss is still in Genting and this is the best opportunity nak mengular.. hahaha.. smooth flowing traffic - good music - enough! i arrived at the office feeling 'okey'. Haha..

Actually i'm delighted! Arsenal won the Community Shield game last night meeting with traditional rival- Man Utd - and it was really..really..an entertaining game. At first i was down sebab pires was not in the list- tapi since dah lama tak tengok game.. Eager sangat nak tengok this team main semalam sans familiar faces.. no more viera.. kanu..parlour...ergh... still they have to move on. The world's moving right?? so..nev'mind laa..new faces pun.. everyone pun penah jadi new faces gak dulu..so.. the kick-off!

Awesome! As if semua pun dah busan sebab dah lama tak main-so everyone seemed to be so energetic! Attemps were breathtaking..cuma finishing jer kantoi.. still.. thumps-up to all new faces! Fabregas..Hoyte..Clichy..van Persie..heheh.. good work guys! Reyes deserved his Man-of the Match award-elok la dah nak patah riuk pinggang..haha.. 3-1 full time result. Inclusive one own goal. Charming Cole! hahahah...So, starting next week- no more jalan2 during match nights...

So much thing to do today. My sister and I have to list down everything we have to do since mama ngan abah nak travel North. A lot (uisk..banyak lahh!) aktiviti-aktiviti tak berpaedah lingers in our minds- jahat betull... mulalah nak tengok movie tu la..ni laaa.. hah..camana..? But still..i have to settle down everything regarding job application first. Have to photostate forms and all.. urghh.. penatnyee....

::Intann - Help! Where to start..? I've so much to sayyy.....

That's what love is for..

Mmm.. just had my lunch..dish sama jer almost everyday..nasik-ayam-bayam-dua inggitt.. and all ALONE..: (

It's pay-day today.. as usual..macam2 resolution untuk bulan nih.. nak jimat la.. no shoes..no fast foods..no macam2 lagilah.. but tengoklahh..by the time lalu depan kedai tu.. mulalah sakit kepala laa..ketar lututlaa.. purse bergegar laa... wonder why is all that stuff so tempting..? hehee.. macam boleh dengar aje my mum punya nag dalam kepala..huhh..cakap pasal duit memang takkan habis sampai kiamat pun.. (really annoyed with my phone bills...!)

I came across lagu Amy Grant-That's what love is for this morning on my way to work.. hahh..!! Dah agak dah.. they really dragged me into 'emotional' daydreaming again.. love..love and love..with everybody is pursuing love nowadays.. we sometimes forget that love can be a cruel deceit. Believe me or not... those kinda songs actually lead us to become a love devoter or a soul provider...which is for me.. not suitable for those who has a partner who don't really care about what love is all about..

We hear a lot about love stories..not to mention all love movies that we take 'em as a perfect dream-dying to get one love life similar to that.. start la berangan jadi heroin la..hero laa..haha..! ( If you asked who's my perfect hero..Jude Law-empty face-tall and skinny.. haha.. get me off my feet) usk..lari tajuk dah ni..!

I wonder macam mana people want from love nowadays. Macam-macam yang I dengar since forever.. failed relationship..tak cukup understanding la.. betrayals..tak honest with each other..find new guy/gal.. where the hell all the vows once uttered from their mouth..? bukan man ajer yang I know simply take people heart for granted..girls pun.. sama je... hu..

.. I owed my mum for her continuous advise - "do not LOVE a man more then they love you.. " , "girls shouldn't be the one craving..or she'll be the one crying".. after my first relationship failed 4 years ago, then only I know what she meant.. (blur betul dulu2..) haha..

I'm glad it's over. I moved on - with new rule for myself. Don't ever let a loser enter and rule your life. . worst lagi to love 'em..lagi worst if you deny his mistake!

Intann : Once mon cher asked me..how I want him to be.. I answered him..

" Be a MAN..like a man should be."

moi au travaille...again..

I'm glad i skipped Monday.. hahah.. suke sangat..

Actually ..my Monday semalam pun takdelah haven sangat. I took 1 day leave- sebab ada routine check-up. I went to HKL since 10.30 am .. and have to queue for almost 2 hours for my 5minutes check-up.. habih each page segala newspaper i read..tips tak tips..resepi semua i dah hafal.. tapi nama I was the last one to be called. My sister busan ajer.. Plan nak tengok movie pun gone macam tu ajer. Headache wehh.. waiting makes it worst. Kami just jalan2..bought my mon cher a shirt.. probably we can wear same colour baju time nak gi Penang nanti..heheh..

Balik..telan panadol 2 bijik..ingat nak rest.. tapi si arween tu still tanak tido. Kelakar jer tengok dia. Since dia tau everyone at home layan dia sorang ajer..dia mula pandai nak main benda2 advance.. dia so far just can utter a few words.. although dah almost 16 months..tapi fizikal ajer kecik..cuba dukung tengokkk..makcik pun boleh lelah.. serius..! dia memang kecik.. Far different from her 6 year old sis, dia memang kuat makan.. pantang dengar bunyik plastik..datang la diaa.. haha..but believe me.. she's so adorable.. and soft..and look so vulnerable.. memang sesapa yang tengok dia rasa takleh nak marah..even his own abah.. haha..but since her small, soft fingers dah pandai tarik astro card out of its place.. haa..jerit jugaklah abah dia.. haha..tapi dia maintain ajer.. buat muka comel yang bagi melt orang.. that's Arween.. really melt people's heart by her smiles and charms..magic kan the power of babies..?

hah..windunye kat awin..nanti mama abah dia balik dari Phuket... mesti lagi rindu kat dia... (isk..isk..)

At work. Not really busy. Macam biasa eager sangat nak balik.. still have 2 more days for pay-day. And my boss macam biasa laa.. mulalah crooked muka sebab nak bayar gaji..(boleh ke macam tu). Ughh..please.. cepatkanla weekend. Busan sangat nih.. My friends kat group pun senyap ajer.. mana semua orang aaa..? Everyone's working now.. memang patutlah busy.. sedar tak sedar dah makin tua.. dah nak masuk 4 years pun I've been with them.. i mean since we graduated. Really miss our good old days.. Tiap-tiap hari ade ajer something yang akan jadi isu nak buat lawak. There's laughter everywhere back then.

Now.. out of 20..5 of us already married..ada yang dah tunang..ada yang putus tunang.. funny kan..? a lot yang happen dalam 4 years nih.. but i'm glad we are still in touch.. still visit each other walaupun dua tahun sekali.. (at least something kan..?) haha.. bila dah jumpa tu tau lahh.. mana yang nak hamun..nak recall balik cerita dulu2.. haha..

The thing is.. rasa muda balik bila jumpa diorang..

Back to work.. work intan! work!

Intann : I'm at work..again.. : (

Alone again naturally..

Wonder if you guys ade dengar lagu from Ally McBeal- banyak yang best.. but this 'alone again' song - captured my attention sebab quite slow and sedey skit lagu dia.. I dengar for quite some times before i know that the lyrics bukanlah totally 'love' based. Dia try nak cerita hidup dia since dulu.. always have to cope with person she love died and leave her alone.. try lah dengar one day..really nice!.

Mm.. talking pasal 'death' ni..(Frankly-i'm scared..) I dua tiga menjak nih quite often dreamed pasal dead people.. people accident.. my father's close friend accident and return home.. macam2 lah..! (usk.. dahlah uncle tu suppose to join us jalan2 pegi Thai next month!) memang if kita just cakap pasal 'death' ni kita rasa okey ajer.. but at the moment kita browse balik what we've been doing all thru this living years..and banyak SINS dari KEBAJIKAN.. then only we think twice.. kan? kan?

Just pagi tadi..on my way to work.. I saw one slight survivor just 10metres ahead of me. One old Chinese man..driving an Iswara- dunno where he's heading to..(kalut sangat)..time2 jammed macam tu nak jugak move hastily.. but to my surprise.. (and his of course!) he was hit by a tanker- I should say he's fortunate enough sebab it was right betul2 the driver's side. Kalau that tanker speed lebih sikit..hah.. I by now mesti muntah tengok flesh and blood..

But think again man.. A tanker tu.. nasib tak baik.. hah..dapatlah tengok 'live' explosion .. tu pun kalau I tak involve sekali.. (huuu..mintak simpangg..) I tak kawin lagi lahh..

But this is not sebab I still tak kawin then I'm talking about this.. tapi kalau you all tengok muka that ol'man - you guys akan rasa dia ni try nak commit suiside ke..? selamber gile.. Walaupun panic..(sikit2 ajelah potray panic tu) tapi.. once he's out of the car.. siap pointed out to the tanker's driver..dunnolah.. marah ke..maki ke.. still nak denied his mistake.. huh.. he should be grateful he still alive man...(wonder where his heart is..hehe)

For whom yang penah been thru an accident-akan tau the real feeling. Betul.. just by thinking of it right now- memang rasa eerie sangat.. i was 4 going to be 5..when i had an accident involving my uncle's car and a taxi loaded with people. My Mak Teh brought my sis and me to a kenduri kawin in Perlis. We were already on our journey back to Alor Star.

Everything was okey at first. i was sound asleep-then i heard a loud collision-i saw blood-blood and blood everywhere..i was in a total blur. Someone dragged me and my sister out of the car.. but the truth is- i can't feel myself.. i can remember things-but the shocking current still overpowered me then. my aunt and uncle were motionless. the moment i saw them..i felt unprotected. I cried.

Then the collision sounds and pictures of blood repeatedly playing in my mind..(up until now you know..) i was scared to death.. i felt so small..but i can still picture everything very clearly.. like it is always been part of myself. My uncle and aunt died in that accident-leaving 8 children.

With that.. I grow up feeling phobia with accident. Takut weh.. tapi takdelah sampai tak kuar mana2 or tak drive. Ada gak time yang I drive nak cepat etc.. tapi when I see news ke.. lori besar2 speeding.. haa.. time tu.. mulalah mulut baca macam2..takut la..

But one thing I learn from that.. not to follow the same mistake again. ( I know it's not my uncle and aunt's mistake that I have to be in that tragedy..)no one's is to be blame.. betul. Maybe it's God fate kami alami semua tu.. and now I come across the same situation where I ada gak bawak my nieces and nephews keluar jalan2.. so time tu lah all this pictures and sound playing in my mind. C'est horrible man.. trust me.

Once my cousin asked me why I drive slow sangat one time tu..kami konvoi balik my mum's house sesama .. with their only daughter insisted to go with me. So.. dah lah lalu jalan yang I paling phobia..slow jelah... lagipun bukannya nak rush pegi mana ye ak..? Why I drive slow sangat..? I repeat.. Slow..? better slow laa... kan..? Apa I nak jawab if anything happen to us..?

guys.. value your life ok..?

why am I talking about this today?? Entah.. that ol' man pagi tadi tu laa.. hish.. wonder what he's thinking.. hope he learn something..

And as expected.. that fatal incident movie played again..I just cannot imagine have to face life without our love ones.. Aghhhh.. God I'm so scared....

Al-Fatihah to Pak Teh and Mak Teh..I can still remember you guys..

Finally .. a new colleague!

Lunch time..in my petit office... everything is the same..except..I have a new colleague today! heheheh..finally..

And the time is moving soooo fast i guess!

And I finally got somebody to talk to..

But still..we have soooooo much to do today..and what am I doing now? updating my blog?? Hah..! Better go now..or I'll be the one to stay this evening.. Huhh!! Tanak!!

Mr Khor invited me to lunch ..but since I've REstarted my diet plan.. (hahahahhahah..let's see how long it'll last!)..so I said no.. and have my bread instead.. hehe...

Hahh..another good news! My boss just confirm his trip to China again this weekend..and next week will be honeymoon time... heheh.. What to do aah...?

Guys..any idea???