The Brunette That Changed Me?

About a month ago, I got home in extreme distress and exhaustion. I just dragged my feet in - and stalled by the sofa; to finally breathe. Nobody was home; ma and abah were probably at the surau, abang fali and Co. too, weren't home. Mon cher dashed to the room; and so there was me-alone with the TV' remote control.

My eyes instantly stucked at the Hallmark channel - with Oprah show in it.

Well, she might have something to tell us tonight, I was just guessing; for her show never upset anybody before. So, I just let myself digesting whatever they were saying then.

There was this beautiful-spanish look brunette, talking to Oprah. The audience were so drawn to her and whatever she was saying. Some were even crying. Okey..what now..?

After a while, I found myself glued to her. Who the hell is she? Magician???
I was like under some sort of spell-I kept on nodding and got even more excited.

My goodness! Every single thing that she mentioned earlier were all the questions that have been bugging my mind lately!

She's Maria Shriver. The wife of Mr. Arnold Schwazeneggar. She's also the ancestor of the famous Kennedy family. She wrote a book about people who's seeking for themselves; and marvellously had her way of finding it. To be frank with you, I was entirely a victim there. She told us to care of our own heart for others can't and will not be able to do the same for us. She also told us (especially women) to stand on our own and to always remember that we deserved to be love and respected, et most importantly, to really know ourselves, not by the name or what we do, but from within us. I need that book so desperately!

And today, I finally got my hands on the book (after few weeks of struggling). It's called "Just Who Will You Be?". It'll cost you RM 56.00. Found the petite book at the BORDERS bookstore, the Gardens Mid Valley. Never thought it was that small, but who dares stop me from buying it?, huh??

Will tell you more about it.

Intann : The quote she had said that night, that poured my tears and made me sobbed.

"What hurt me the most was when someone I loved suddenly passed away; and I didn't had the chance to tell him or her that I really loved them. I won't let that happen again. I will, by any chance at all - to hug and tell everybody that I love the magical words of "I LOVE YOU"'s - before I die..."

Falling.

I was extremely excited about posting another story of my miserable week, about the meeting avec the First Lady, the exam I had this morning, about Ezzah who just got her 18th month old injection-and-fell-sick, and a few others. But, out of the blue, mon cher suddenly came and killed the excitement away-just several minutes ago.

All I did was seeking his help-for this cursor-thing won't move. But all I get was a heart-breaking remarks. Brief enough to hurt my feelings.

Think I have to sit back and just let the dark clouds passed; and I'll get back to posting as soon as I'm calm and ready.

Intann : God, please tell me. What did I do?

February Song

Been looking for monsieur josh old cd's for weeks now, but none of them are still available. So I ended up buying a forge one; enough for my weird cravings lately.

The last time I had his cd was back in 2004~Oceano. And now, listening to his song makes me dreaming again. His voice simply awes me.Everytime. I would just let myself drowned in his charms. Spellbinded.

I instantly fell in love with this song. Think I had something to do with the lyrics; as I see it in my own way.

February Song

Where has that old friend gone
Lost in a February song
Tell him it won't be long
Till he opens his eyes, opens his eyes
Where is that simple day
Before colors broke into shades
And how did I ever fade
Into this life, into this life

And I never want to let you down
Forgive me if I slip away
When all that I've known is lost and found
I promise you I, I'll come back to you one day

Morning is waking up
And sometimes it's more than just enough
When all that you need to love
Is in front of your eyes
It's in front of your eyes

And I never want to let you down
Forgive me if I slip away
Sometimes it's hard to find the ground
Cause I keep on falling as I try to get away
From this crazy world

And I never want to let you down
Forgive me if I slip away
When all that I've known is lost and found
I promise you I, I'll come back to you one day

Where has that old friend gone
Lost in a February song
Tell him it won't be long
Til he opens his eyes
Opens his eyes

Intann : I wanna run to you.. remember?

If Tomorrow Never Comes Part III

I was a normal teen-age girl growing up; except for having quite a number of hometowns back then-Butterworth, Seremban and KL.

I would say I was quite a shy and naive girl, although I was no longer been confined in an all-girl school. Talking to an opposite gender was like a nightmare. Being in a group of boys made me mute. I was so sceptical over people's perception towards chubby-girls and thought that was so evil. But nothing had stop me from having a few crushes over some of them and went through high-school like the others. Think that made school time so sweet and memorable.

That was the time when I used to berangan a lot - Often when I couldn't sleep. I pictured myself tucked on the hospital bed, and my 'hero' would come and pay me a visit. Not crazy enough, I would also demonstrate my smile and things I was gonna say to him; over and over again, until I'd finally satisfied with my own drama. I used to think that pain can easily be erased with one visit by a special someone. Or by some sweet-talk.

The only thing different is that, when you actually faced the reality of being tucked on the hospital bed, and everybody that you love came to pay you a visit, the feeling was even more overwhelming; I meant of joy and pain.

Giving birth to Ezzah back in March 2007 had me through momentuous days of staying in hospital; the first time in my entire life. But this time, I didn't have the chance to rehearse my scripts nor to smile. They were the one instead who gave me continuous support and motivation. I felt like hugging every friends and relatives who came. And mon cher especially, was the loyal one. He stayed by me until night-every single day-without failed. All I did was crying..

I guess, not every dream we had back then promises the same outcome for us to savour. I think it's for us to think back and start appreciating others who unconditionally given their love to us.

Intann : If tomorrow never comes..would you know how much I love you?

Posting Spreeeeeeeeeee! Hii Haa!

Finally.
My first posting via my pavilion.

Just like what that boy was saying the other day, I feel a little 'poyo' out of owning this stuff. Haha! Think I'm going to be just like mon cher; tucked to the gadget-and to hell with everybody's business.

But, indeed, I am very certain of why I bought this stuff. I need the freedom to do my works, my postings, my business. I hate relying to other people.

I'm quite fussy selecting this gadget at the first place. You know, ladies. Hehe. I don't need a sophisticated machine, but a sleek one. Of course it must not cost me a fortune to own it. Enough for my eyes to say it fit my needs. Except for the mouse - nice, but way too small. Heh.

Intann : So, wish me happy blogging guys. See ya in the next posting!

Se..(If)

This piece of music never failed to accompany me when I'm down, but often leave me soaked with tears. They simply moved me, bring my mind away-to a place that I want to.

The song. I just wanna share. Am not feeling okey right now.
Cinema Paradiso-Monsieur Josh Groban

Se (If..)
tu fossi nei miei occhi per un giorno (you were in my eyes for one day)
Vedresti la bellezza che piena d'allegria (You could see the full beauty of the joy)
Io trovo dentro gli occhi tuoi (I find in your eyes)
E nearo se magia o lealta (And it isn't magic..or reality.)

Se (If..)
tu fossi nel mio cuore per un giorno (you were in my heart for a day)
Potresti avere un'idea (You would have an idea)
Di cio' che sento io (Of what I feel)
Quando m'abbracci forte a te (When you hold me strongly to you)
E petto a petto, noi (Heart to heart,)
Respiriamo insieme (Breathing together)

Protagonista del tuo amor (Protagonist of your love)
Non so se sia magia o realta' (I don't know if it's magic or reality..)


Se (If)
tu fossi nella mia anima un giorno (you were in my soul for a day)
Sapresti cosa sento in me (You would know what is inside me)
Che m'innamorai (That I fell in love)
Da quell'istante insieme a te (At that instant, together with you)
E cio' che provo e (And what I sense)
Solamente amore (Is only love..)


Intann : Will somebody save me? Kind of drowning over here..please..!

The Shattered Dream..

I woke up today feeling confused.
I dreamed of someone-who then comforted me in such a way. *Blink blink..

It's already Friday.Huh. Guess time too has their advancement in flying technology. I just sat silent in the car; trying hard to resemble the pieces of dreams i had last night; hoping they would somehow fit together. But, to no avail. As we reached office, I noticed something had caused one of our tires flat. Too much things I've got to do and planned for today, so I just leave mon cher to fix the car.

Suddenly, I realized that I'm in the middle of such miserable mess.
My desk is like a stumbled ship and the phone never stop ringing. I felt like crying.

I need to be out of here. Seriously.

So, I dashed out with a friend - to KLCC.

To my amazement, strolling and chit-chatting along the taman, did sooth out my stress and sorrow-feelings. I indeed felt a lot happier and excited to be there, to the point I did not mind not having any lunch at the first place. I was so contented that I can feel my heart was enlightening. It does not matter how or why. But I did feel happy. I just ..feel it! That is all I need.

All I did was cherishing the time I had, for I knew dreams does not last long.
A phone-call from my DG shattered everything-and I was back to earth. **sigh

To be frank, I don't remember when was the last time my heart felt so light, happy and free, and am wondering what had triggered that feeling out of me..

Was that all the feelings I had when i was much younger..? The freedom, the laughter, the friend..

Intann : Be happy. Live life and love..to the fullest.

My Definitions Of.. Part I.

Came across an ads on the TV this morning, brought me deeper to find and list out what are my definitions of things we normally say and do in our daily lives. I was not certain, to what context do I want to push it as the parameters.

I guess it's just timely for me to slowly get to know myself.
So, this is just a bit of 'what I think it is suppose to mean'. It's all me.

LOVE?
Love? Uhh. A tough one.
Er..Everything?
Sharing (thoughts,happiness and pain), fulfilling expectations, care, caresses, kisses, mom and dad, protects, jealousy, love-making..(hehe)*grin*

BEAUTIFUL?
A new-born baby.

FRIEND?
Someone to talk to, a person who is not allowed to break our hearts, money-lender (haha! just kidding), timely-pleasant thoughts when needed, a shoulder to cry on, chuckles and giggles.

BREATHTAKING
A wonderful solo dribble followed by a perfect-non-fumbling-swift-and-eye-catching GOAL scoring. Haha. Football matches always have that. *grin*

FUTURE
Well. It depends. For me? Er. Guaranteed and non-compromising. This question make me feel old already. Huh.

OLD
What??!! Are you kidding me?
Well.. I often picture myself as a sad grandma-Lonely, Hideous and Helpless. God. Please..No. I sincerely do not want that..

I think, it's still a lot coming this way.

Intann : Am I weird?

Sleep, Carwash and Kambing. Hmm..

Finally, it's Saturday. I had a good night sleep last night; after a week of tense - I had to sacrifice my sleep for it. So I woke up, had breakfast, went to slimming centre, lil' shopping, and got home light-headed-ly. Mon cher and I did manage to wash and clean the car too ya'know? Haha. What a day!

Syima was craving (well, I'd say so close to hysteria) for her Nasik-Arab-Kambing she used to have in Cyberjaya; so she called everyone for a dinner treat. It's a superb-ly-done-chicken and lamb, a real fulfilling dish - that I would recommend to others. The place is called 'Restoran Saba' or something. Go, try it!

I'm not lamb or mutton lover (not at all), so I was totally relaxed when the kambing dishes was served on the table. Everyone went oohhs and aahhhs at all time - I just ignored to whatever they were saying.

"It's okey, go on. I don't eat kambing" I said to Sis Fairudz; when she insisted me to taste it.

"Am a Kambing-year-born-kid laa..they're my friends" hehehe...

Abang Fali and Co. was the earliest to arrive and dine; so they just stay to sembang and took care of the kids. But nothing can resist him from coming back to the table- especially when the waiter put the a large jug of freshly squeezed mango juice - in the middle of the table.

"Sadisssssssssssssss.........Ayaq best pulak...buleh sawan ni kalau tak kenaa......."
I think he totaly forgot about the kids...

"Woi..anak nuu..lari merata..lupa plak.." My sis reminded him. Hhehe..

And I too- Can't concentrate on anything else but the juice.Lupa la tu.. My asthma could trigger anytime then - but that too can't stop me from sipping. Haha.

Got ourselves a brief chat, gomoi those budak-keciks-yang peliks, and gave Sis Fairudz her birthday present, then we dashed home. Exhausted and stoned, not even 3 minutes in the car, everybody dozed off.

Intann : Huhu.. What a day.

The 'Brand-New-Me' List - For Myself

It is indeed true when people say that if one had reached a certain level of loneliness and can't do anything about it; will lead to an absolute insanity or doing an unthinkable breakthrough. Huh..*sigh*

So..which one will I ended up with, huh?

Been cracking my head of the list of stuffs I should do to make myself preoccupied - you know.. of having nobody to talk to during nights. Apparently, I was a blink away to screaming and vengeance; but the charms of Ezzah had stopped me. **Sigh* Instantly had me melted away. So, as usual, I backed off. And that is all that I'm good at.

Yes. For the sake of her.

There are a few things that came across my mind; just to make sure I won't be crying again - of loneliness and miseries. On top of all, to search for myself.

1. To remember - that I deserve to be loved and respected.
2. To get myself a sleek HP Pavilion - the one I've been craving for. Huhu.
3. To reminisce good memories with friends, and laugh my heart out. Everyday.
4. To read good-and-uplifting books. (Oops. My exam!! Should look at it first, huh?)
5. To kiss Ezzah every single chance that I have. (Mama loves YOU!)
6. To tell people I love that I love them. You should too. It's good to be loved huh?
7. To cherish every wonderful friends and friendships am having now.
8. Music
9. Football - encore? Why not?
10.Moments for myself. Desperately need that.

Intann : Sometimes I am frightened.. but I am ready to love..

Run To You..

It has been a long and hectic day. My whole body felt like being violated all over. Work? They just never seems to end. Not enough with that, under a certain pressure, I made an unnecessary-stupid-and-unthinkable confession.

That was seriously not supposed to happen. I was insanely driven-by a huge dunno-how or-why. All I intended was to sooth out my bleeding emotions. You know, good-past memories always do. And best friends too. They does comfort me, but I realize that is very much likely to cause a treasured-friendship-bond at stake.

Ezzah is down with high fever again. Mon cher is pretty preoccupied with his new Playstation 3. Not a glance nor a smile he threw towards me. It is sad though, but there's nothing that I can do. Grab my music and tried to get some sleep. But with all this hi-wiring mind? No, I don't think so. I ended up crying in the middle of the night.

The song that hit me the most - England Dan and John Ford Coley. They just..Shattered me all over.

Quitely, I admit that I am so damn weak. I feel like a fool. I am so sorry.


Intann : Share with me - Run to You~ Whitney Houston


I know that when you look at me
There's so much that you just don't see
But if you would only take the time
I know in my heart you'd find

A girl who's scared sometimes
Who isn't always strong
Can't you see the hurt in me?
I feel so all alone

I wanna run to you
Won't you hold me in your arms
And keep me safe from harm

I wanna run to you
But if I come to you
Tell me, will you stay or will you run away

Each day, each day I play the role
Of someone always in control
But at night I come home and turn the key
There's nobody there, no one cares for me

What's the sense of trying hard to find your dreams
Without someone to share it with
Tell me what does it mean?

I need you here
I need you here to wipe away my tears
To kiss away my fears
If you only knew how much...



[ Run To You Lyrics on http://www.lyricsmania.com/ ]

My Frustrated Fear..

I can't believe it.. mon cher finally got his hands on the new Playstation 3.

I do not know how to act nor to say. I just knew the day will finally come. Who am i to say NO or take into control of whatever he wants to do or buy. All I can do is sit back and see what will happen next.

I am not sure.. whether I am being stupid or feeling like a freak. But I believe nobody in this world like to be betrayed like this.

I feel like being replaced.. by a SOMETHING. That' s cruel.

Somehing that has taken away his eyes and attentions away from me..and ezzah.

Intann : Am speechless. i want mon cher back.. s'il vous plait...