Men's talk..and girls' talk..

I was at work..got dozens of papers and colorings to do.. but still my ears captured a few words from my other colleagues who were chattin' over their marriages..and life..and so forth..

But suddenly, someone brought up one interesting topic..I was not sure whether it was purposely brought up for fun, but i was a bit disturbed by a few statements..

"Sorrylah aku nak tolong-tolong bini aku...mau geng-geng aku kata aku darai-takut bini.." one man boasted.

Whoaa..that was harsh..!

Some made a good laugh out of it. But the girls were still there to fight back.

"Pegi la kawin ngan geng tu.. kalau dah takut geng gelak..!" one girl got tense.

"Apa pulak.. dah jadi pompuan tu.. buat la gheja.. kata dah kawen... takkan nak suruh laki buat gheja dapoq kot.." the guy blast back. "apa la orang pompuan moden la ni.. dah senang nak senang lagi...dulu-dulu zaman mak aku buat gheja jaga anak patblas lima blas orang rilek jaaa..."

And the guys went laughing.. saja la tu..just to heat up the scene..

"Bukan 'suruh'... orang kata 'tolonggg..' . Mintak tolong pun takkan jatuh pride kottt...dulu masa becinta beriya tunjuk gentleman..."

The mouth war went on..both sides tak nak ngalah.

I went into their partition, to get myself a stapler.

"Hah..ni apa cerita bising sangat ni...?" I simply pretended tak tau apa2...Hehehe..

"Hah..intann..kita tanya orang tak kawen lagi ni.. orang laki ni time bercinta, bukan main lagi gentleman kan?..suruh buat apa pun sanggup.. dah kawen nanti.. nak angkat pinggan sebijik pun malu. tu dak lagi mintak tolong sidai kain ka.. konon-konon tak reti.. kan?" one sister claimed..

"Hee...kalau kita sakit nak mati, nak mintak tolong suap air pun malu jugak gamaknya.." another girl responded.

"Apa yang malu pun tak tau lah.. kalau dah malu sangat.. baik tayah kawen!" another cynical statement went out.

"Ooo..cerita angkat kainn...." I smiled.

On my way out.. I simply said..

"Kalau intan lah...intan tak kisah kalau husband intan nak buat intan macam hamba sekali pun..." a few men smiled. Nanti dulu..lom habis ayat lagi... ingat kita nak masuk geng diorang la tuu...

"Tapii.. tu kalau dia yang jadi soul-and the only provider dalam rumah tu.Makan-pakai-belanja sekolah-rumah semua dia sorang yang provide....logiklah kalau dia tak tolong bini dia... dia memang kerja cari duit..."

"TAPIIIIIII... kalau dia expect wife dia tolong cari duit sama sama... nak bayar rumah, makan, keta semua kena campur duit bini..pastu malu pulak nak tolong keja bini sikit2.. tuuuu tak tau lah... tak malu pulak kan pakai duit bini...? hehehhee...."

I knew what i said was somehow EVIL.. sebab a few good men were tersipu2 kat situ.. No.. it wasn't my intention nak 'sound direct' kat those guys. But that was only my opinion on whatever they have said moments before.

If they want to compare women zaman dulu ngan sekarang.. toksah cerita la.. dulu macam mana.. sekarang ni macam mana.. sebab for me.. I think that women semua don't really mind helping their husbands, so that life diorang will be a bit better.. sebab we all know ngan gaji limited macam sekarang ni..nak hidup kat KL ni memang sesak laa...But above all.. i'm not saying that women yang provide semua..no... tapi sampai buat statement 'MALU' nak exposekan to public that they sometimes do house chores - was a bit ungrateful to all the wives. Even myself pun will get tense if I was treated like that..

Hmm.. one good issue nak tanya mon cher malam ni...

Intann : One sister-colleague said.. "takpelah.. kalau diorang malu nak tolong kita.. nak aprreciate kita..kita carilah sapa2 yang boleh tolong kita...." hehe... that wouldn't help sis! Way to go everybody..! good luck with all your spouses..

Weekend in AS - Part 2

All the way since meeting ari’s mom, I can’t help myself from thinking.

Thinking about my own life, simply everything.

And its hard to judge myself… as well as to admit that everything ari’s mom said was right. I dunno whether my accompany did realize or not, that I was in total blurry and bedazzled. Dia lagilah. Sepanjang jalan dok claim dia tak tido2 lagi… Sian jugak.. tapi mana boleh bagi dia tido.. Biar dia!

Sampai tekan sos pun salah.. *nggeeeehhheee.. siannn..

Amidst all the puzzle, came a gift - a small-red-love shaped-bantal written “you’re special” which, to my surprise, lifted me up. And suddenly it gave me some-sort-of light of charms and strength to move on. To take everything positively, to start a brand new spirit in myself… (Err..this is new!)

And I went to sleep smiling. Thankful to The Almighty for today… although I know this is going to be a tough start. But still.. to hell with other people. I don’t owe them my life. It’s already written in His Hands. ..

21 Feb 2005

Breakfast was OK. Both of us macam macam tak pernah makan coco crunch, punyalah suke.. heheh. Took a cab - 6 ringgit to the site which is just about 2km away . Odie was a bit tense, ergghh.. takpelah.. kita claim ajer.. WORK..!

But only God knows how tremble I was during the meting. But bukan pasal meeting tu..tapi I was scared that my boss will be furious sebab odie was with me. I kept on sms’ed sis azah for the latest update at the office. And to wait for her to reply was a complete horror.

“Tit..!Tit..! Tit..!Tit..!!”
“Uh noo…!”
And the message went saying “Don’t worry..! Datin sengih ajer hari ni..! Dia Tanya mana intan and Odie..Saya cakap gi AS..and she said.. OKEY!”

Went to find odie by the river, taking pictures.

“Haha.! Line clear!.. pasni kita jalan ngan aman dan damai..okes?”

And all the ‘serabut’ inside my stomach went away.

Intann : Merci again monsieur odie.. especially sebab bawakkan beg saya all the way . .. ngeheheheh...

Weekend in AS

Odie woke me up at 4.55am...(*grrr!) At 5.45 met him at the train station. 7o'clock had breakfast, and at 8 we were on our way to Alor setar...on a nice-breezy-charming-adoring- SUNDAY MORNING!

So at about 9, kami dah terpacak kat AS tu.. letih and ngantuk. Have to wait until 11 baru dapat masuk hotel. memang quite sadis.. And I was struggling to adapt with the weather. Panas-sejuk-panas-sejuk.. And believe me, AS memang a cruel desert! Panas and kering sangat-sangat! I am thankful sebab Odie carried my bags all the way there, and I was ok without any asthma attack then...That was a really a nice treat from him..

And as expected, i can't sleep bila dah jet-legged macam tu. Rasa macam tanak buat apa2 at all. I felt like sleeping, tapi takleh.. tu yang tensen tu!

But then;

"Siap. Kite gi umah my friend ek. Friend masa kat mrsm dulu"

"Err..mak ayah dia garang tak?a?a?" I frowned. Mana taknye.. dah lah selebet giler. Kang pening orang tu mana lah diorang angkut minah comot nih.

"Mak dia baik laa..."

"Err.. okeyy.." Unbelievingly, I felt okey, comfortable, and agreed. Hoping I could fill my sunday with something.. but I still remember the feeling-relaxed and gave in. weirdos huh?

And after an hour or two jalan and makan, we went to this friend's maison, about 30 mins from the city- amidst the rubber plantations. And the house was remarkably cute, nice and welcoming..and it really felt like home.

And you don't know me. Dah kalau rasa macam kat rumah tu.. I was suddenly became peramah sangat. 5 mins later, my voice was louder than the tuan rumah ...heehhe... takdelah. cuma rasa macam duduk kat rumah sedara sendiri. Odie went for jalan-jalan around kampung, selamber ajer tinggal kite ngan maknye kawan dia.. mula tu macam cuak jugak. but then, me and that makcik went chattin' pasal a lot of things. Pasal life..pasal hidup mati..jodoh dan ajal.. and banyak lagi. And suddenly, I felt attached to this whoever's mum, for everything she said.. that really.. really..really moved me.

I was awed. And I began to ponder..about a lot of things.. and one thing for sure.. I began to study myself even more..

i looked around. I looked at her..studied her..then his son, and then odie.

I felt glad i was there. Glad meeting this family.. and on my way back to the city, deep down inside, i cried.

Intann : Maybe sebab tu we had to feel bad first, argued wif the TKP for bringing odie as accompany, but then had this memorable rendez-vous! Merci odie!

Yayy! Another baby..

I was in a very good mood this morning. Parents sent me to work, had breakfast, and did my colouring.

Then, Nida called and told me she's carrying her first baby.

And we cried.

My 3 friends were stalled. Pening. Dok gelak elok-elok..tetiba jer nangis.. Only God knows how happy, beaming, and glad I was then at that particular moment.

This feeling is new. This next best thing *i mean the news and the feeling* (haha..) really swept me in its own way.

And yes, I'll be the chocolate (a weird one!) that melt when a baby casts me with their powerful spell.. their smell, charms..how magical.

This one's different from the other.

Intann : Hi baby.. Someone here already love you..! Haha.. * Congrats Yeen n Nida * grinn*

Somewhere Only We Know..

This song caught my attention today..

Just got back from Lot 10 to get our datin a wedding present, but to no avail. Odie and Mader got themselves a large bunch of dried flowers - and pleaded me to carry it for them..

"Tolong lahhh..kalau pompuan yang bawak..oang tak pelik sangattt..." Iyelah tu.. Dioang ni nak pindah umah..so semangat semacam lah nak decorate umah diorang nanti..

I caught a few eyes who went staring at me and the flowers.. but I went selamba jelah... hahah..

In an elevator, one makcik went saying; "cantiknyeee bunga adikk..." Only God knows how malu i was then..sengih je lahh.. tapi budak Mader ni pulak.. siap menjawab.. "Biasalah kak... shopping ngan pompuan macam ni lahh..."

hamboihh...suka2 dia ajer.. padahal dia yang punya bunga! Memang ciss betul laahhh..

I got home at 9..but at least today..I feel free and enjoying myself..as a person.

Enjoy this song..by keane. I dunno why. But I want this song to be here TODAY..

I walked across an empty land

I knew the pathway like the back of my hand

I felt the earth beneath my feet

Sat by the river and it made me complete

Oh simple thing where have you gone

I'm getting old and I need something to rely on

So tell me when you're gonna let me in

I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

I came across a fallen tree

I felt the branches of it looking at me

Is this the place we used to love?

Is this the place that I've been dreaming of?

Oh simple thing where have you gone

I'm getting old and I need something to rely on

So tell me when you're gonna let me in

I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

And if you have a minute why don't we go

Talk about it somewhere only we know?

This could be the end of everything

So why don't we go

Somewhere only we know?

Intann : nite fellas!

And when she dance..

Yes, tonight can be rather hot and boring.. but the moment I played the song by David Foster, I feel younger and vibrant.. remisnicing the moments I had when I was 15, listening to the same song.. and feel free then.

And it's awesome to only think about how time has change me into my new ME.. i mean..who I am right now. Emm.. I remember 11 years ago, when I was in Seremban. I used to feel awkward with my new surrounding..funny accents around town, new friends..etc. But I was okey then, an introvert.. didn't give a damn look or mix with people around.. what I knew or really focused on then was my football hunks, my chicago and this new love of mine - David Foster's And When She Dance' piece of music.

I don't mess around with people so much I think back then, and I didn't really care if people didn't even know that I was alive. Hahah.. To prove it to you, I'm still breathing here, kan?

History.. there's so much to ponder. Funny.

But for me.. they make me smile. Although I didn't go thru a fairy-tale-type-of-bringing-ups, but still, looking at people's life now and then, mine is rather good and filled with blessings. And I couldn't ask for more..

And although it's aonly a song..with whatever meaning in it, that piece of music really moved me into a place I wish I can stay to reminisce things I want to remember..

Did I just say that time has shaped me? Or changed me? Or influence me? What is it? Whatever..I am one of God's creation..and just a plain servant. Love me..hate me.. i don't really care. This is just who I am. And its true when people say, it's only we ourselves yang akan help diri kita sendiri. If we don't have that 'drive' or guts yang datang from within ourselves, then forget about living..

Life isn't about relying on people.. and also bukan to become a big-dictator-or opportunist. The moment you find the 'hero' within you, who helps you to know yourself, to be independent, then only you can feed or help others..

intann : Enjoy life people.. it doesn't belong to us.. cherish everything that you love. Nite..

Letihhh!

My yesterday and today's day out got me all knocked out and exhausted!

Early yesterday morning I was with my colleagues for a duty call but I ended up doing some exercise kat situ.. And that Bukit Jalil stairs got all my legs cramped! Menten jugak jalan tho' sakit sangat kaki.. Helped the boys angkut tv baru..but later that afternoon, my sis sms' me telling that my bro's father in-law died of asthma. Rush pegi bangi ngan dua mamats tu.. pening sebab I was in an inappropriate attire.. letih sebab kena tukar baju etc..

I got home - and feel nothing but LETIH!

And today-kena pulak tunggu budak doktor for my asthma check-ups ..ughhh..sakan jugak lah..

Can't withdraw my money sebab apa ntah tak online etc..so my sister and I have to wander dengan limited duit in-hand. Hahahha..padan muka.

But the only thing yang best today is.. I got my feet a special Chinese New Year treat.. went for a nice foot massage kat bawah nuuu... Stone lah jugak sebab memang best pon kena massage nih.

Intann : It's a good treat buddy! have one..

A future that freaks me out - Part 2

I actually have tonnes of work to do, but sitting and chatting with sis azah 'bout the so-called FUTURE simply got me glued to her.

She's in her early 30's, but I adore her so much. And apparently 'bout how calm she is when talking and handling new things (which for me would be a definite disaster!)

"Intann wish I can talk like you..." I repeatedly told her.

"Aiyooohh.. am I that slow when talking? I thot' I am energetic enough! Hahah!".. And deep down inside, I still adore her... (Sheesshhh....pity ME!)

And the boss was away-to Kuantan with Odie, while sis azah and me had a nice time chattin' with each other..

"intan..awak should make sure you have enough savings by the time you're gettin' married.."

"Life isn't always gonna be good to us, Tuhan tu Adil.. sometimes when you think that you have everything that should be-just be extra careful with the future.."

And, it is true.. we somehow share quite a lot of similar experience.. from the bringing-ups until musics and perfume brands, and most importantly - our personal feeling towards beloved ones. And she never stopped repeating that I am facing the same problem as she had before.

And it is true - after about one-and-a-half month ago, my sis in-law announced that she wants my parents to fly with her - for her phd.. and my mum pulak insisted she will only go after I got married. They had quite a conflict there; a rigid planning, but at the end they went staring at me...

"Mama won't leave this intan and her bf stay here unattached. Just make sure they get married and we'll pack our bags.." Sounds affirmative to me..

And God please help...just imagine how was I suppose to tell mon cher that my family had put us into a crucial dateline - and in two days to come, mon cher was scheduled to sit for his maths paper..

But finally mon cher and I got ourself a calm discussion - i finally got the chance to tell him everything, although my stomach felt tight and scared that we might not able to save that certain amount for our reception ... sebab mon cher is still unemployed... Uh noo.. and me until now simply cannot imagine how are we going to face this .. ughhhh...

But sis azah went calming me down... "don't worry intan.. as long as your niat is good.. InsyaAllah ada jalan nanti.. "

Intann : The truth is.. all this is still wrecking my head now and then-cruelly drag me into a freaking-dark-cloud out of nowhere. I know lately i went throwing my tension towards mon cher, quite a cuople of time, all because of this - and how I feel like he's not serious enough to getting' a job. Forgive me mon cher. I promise I will help you..and us..until we can work things out together.

And please help me.. tell me that you will make sure that we will work things out.. together.

Je t'aime.. beaucoup...et beaucoup..