Coldplay@BBC

I got home early and just trashed myself on the sofa.

My neck felt like a twisted giraffe--so sore and numb. Ezzah - like usual; macam baru minum air betri. She was jumping with delights while descending the stairs - made me screamed my throat out. *Sigh*

Tv was alright. I was so close to screaming again to see Coldplay were on the frontyard of BBC - singing their best pieces. I was stalled in awe to see and hear 'em. My goodness! Where I have been?? Am I old already? Feels like I missed to hear the songs for ages, I mean centuries!

I need to just relax and chill out, don't I, huh?

Share with me. I just love this song.

FIX YOU - COLDPLAY

When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide your home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream, down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face
And I..

Tears stream, down your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face
And I..

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you.

* * * *

Intann : Lessons and hikmah do come right after things that happen to us, huh?
Let's just calm down and give a thought about it, okey?

Happy Birthday, Ezzah..

Dear sayang,

Happy 2nd birthday..

I wish you know how much mama loves you and glad to have you as my baby.
I am indeed so thrilled to see you grow up so fast. Every moments with you was so precious and filled with charms - and to just think about you will make my heart beaming and proud.

Papa and Mama loves you, sayang.

At nights, after you were asleep (after long-hard day of climbing, jumping, quarrelling with bibik and tok,et not to forget - messing up the whole tok's house)
Papa and Mama will held you tight and talk about you, and all your charms.

We would chuckle over things that you've said, and sing your 'ming-ming-ju' songs.
We even sing wonderpets songs to each other over the phone in the office!
And of course, we do miss you all the time at work.

Mama loves to call you from the office just to hear you scream 'MAMAAAA....!!!!'
They just lift my day.

You are indeed the best gift I have for my every-year birthday, and am so glad we share the same birth-day. I couldn't ask for more. You are my everything. I guess the obstacles I had 2 years back of having you to the world - has turn into a love so deep and precious, I never regret it.

Now that I have you, that is all that matters.

I pray and hope you will grow well and healthy, to embrace every happiness and possibilities there are in the world. Grow strong and ambitious, reach for your dreams, be humble, generous and kind-hearted to everyone. But, top of all - live within the blessing of Allah..

Yes, I preach so much. I know I should stop. But one more thing I wish to jot down over here. Hoping that one day, we will live to read our cherished moments with you; especially on your recent 2nd Birthday feast.

Mama bought you a large birthday cake - and have all your sisters home to celebrate it. Fatin, Shasha, Arween, Zaara and Shazril - all gathered to wish you 'Happy Birthday' - but to our surprise, you dashed to the kitchen room, slammed the door hard and keep quiet. We laughed our hearts out.

Wonder what were you thinking then.

So we hugged you to 'meet' the cake, and lit the candles - and there you go again ; you cried! Why? Are you scared of the candles??

Hahahahahahahahha.............!!!!

Well, as we guessed what would happen, your other sisters blew cake happily.. while you sat at one corner - puzzled. Haha..mama loves you so much..

Papa and Mama hope you love the presents we got you; the red bicycle and that 'Goodnight Wonderpets' story book.

Love, hugs and biseses,

Mama.

Where do I begin?

Will somebody please tell me; where do I start?

There are plenty of stuff that I have to take care of; not to mention bundles of incompleted-tasks at the office, and here I am; feeling stucked and helpless.

I do not know whether this posting will do me good, but I need to do something; just to combat this fatigueness. I swear to you that I have done everything to have my mind positive again; despite those ridiculous tasks I had at work, and the fact that I don't have a slight chance to rest; mentally and physically.

Well, I guess, I have to start somewhere. To start by starting.

Ermm..Reading, maybe? Well, that too - is a must. Am suppose to do a lot of English exercises to sit for IELTS exam somewhere in April. I applied for Masters study early this month; so there's plenty to do to meet the requirements. They said the interview will take place real soon, so I just keep my fingers cross.

Hey, you haven't tell me what to do yet!

Facial treatment? Passed. Done that this morning avec Syima. Slow instrumental music and head to back massage equals to = A perfect place to snore! Haha!


Intann : I think the key words are ; PRAY and EXERCISE ? Kan? See ya!

Entering new episode of life?

It's 3 in the morning but my eyes doesn't seem to let my worn-out body to sleep just yet. So I took the time watching mon cher and ezzah sleeping-so soundly.

The silence brings me to ponder; upon the years I've passed. To realize how blessed I am - all the way.

The month of March - as always; had my feelings all mixed up. 3 years of wonderful marriage, 2 beautiful years of watching Ezzah growing-up, supportive family and friends. My goodness. Did I ever thank them enough for being with me?

And of course - often in March, the traumas will still haunt me-emotionally. I can barely smell the chillness I had in my hospital-days, and it devastatingly shrunk my heart to the point I feel like crying. You wouldn't have know how grateful I am now, of having the chance to live and kiss Ezzah. I remember the days where I cried all night long being alone in that freaking ward, wanting to go home and hug mon cher et bebe. That was the most tormenting moments in my entire life. I wish I can forget that, but I know the stain will just stay right there.

As time taught me well about being a sane and rationale human being, still, once in a while, I caught myself yearning for something I shouldn't propose for. I let myself being joggled by my past sweet and bitter memories; and made it a reason to move on. I know how absurd and wrong it was - but it does soothes me.

Am gonna turn 30 tomorrow. I certainly do not know how should I feel about that. Glad? Remorse? Nothing? Oh God, am I missing something? I do feel old, slightly - of course. But that can't be the reason of why I should misbehave, right? Or maybe discriminating myself. Okey, now tell me what should I do?

But again, I must confess that I am not 'that' ready to becoming 30. Old and ain't perfect. Not a perfect wife, not a perfect mom, not a superwoman. I sometimes wonder, why in the world do we have to please others so damn perfectly, and when doesn't, we are so ruined. The fact that we mutually have the same mindsets and perceptions, for me is the root cause of it. So no one says no. But who wants to caress me? Who care to please me?

For all I pray and hope for is how my-next-episode will treat me. Will there be new chances and opportunities for me? Will there be room for improvement? Will my love ones love me more? Will I be able to constantly gratitude love-ones,family and friends for whatever they've done for me?

Intann : I love you. I want you to know that. And I hope you love me the same.