Bienvenue 2010!
Wow. It's 2010. Not the figure that scares me, but the reality that clings together with the magical number froze me in such way I couldn't describe. Inevitably, this year will change a whole lot of my 'life-perspective'. O'yes, one of it; I've dipped myself into a challenging tunnel called 'pursuing-that-master-thing-are-you-out-of-your-mind?'. Frankly speaking, I still wonder what made me DO that, but things-a-thing ~ BOOM! You’re in! Never look back!
Forget resolutions. Am not formulating another new list this year. Not that am all-fall-down with myself, but I personally think that it’s super-important to make sure your brain and spirit is in super-superb-condition; and to be positive at all time - is the utmost priority - let alone the inner strength of yours; I mean mine. I don't have any idea where shall I go and find those 'strength' I was yapping all along - but I need it so desperately. To God I rest my wish.
Reviewing 2009, I come to see that there is plenty of things I considered 'me-failures'. Even if others might not think of it; but me feeling and being a low-esteemed person has pathetically dragged me into some kind of a blurry world - you might call 'Fallaway' or other crap callings you can think of. Whoaa.. that bad?? Apparently.
I will not deny; that 2009, in various ways, left few positive marks for me to at least ponder, and cherish or even be thankful. Not forgetting - fallen into a long-lost-world of fuzzy-funny-feelings; ahahahhah..shall not mention that in here. It's my heart lil' secret.
Losing 2 of my closest friends, too, caused an unimaginable loneliness inside me for quite some time. I can feel that my laughter was abruptly diminished - and I was haunted by esteem-issues once again. I suddenly became so particular when speaking with others; not to mention having some pain-suspicious-looks towards people. That - was definitely from me. I was the one with issues. Feeling left behind, lonesome and monstrously-FAT.
Speaking of FAT, Yes, I once hated everybody. I thought everybody was a fake. They hated me. I had a hard time believing ~ but it was when TENSE ruled me. Of course, when ME rules ME back, I come to realize that I owe everyone for trizzlion reasons. I am blessed with everyone (love, family and friends) around me. I don't care if they didn't love me back; but a deed will stay a deed. I truly believe that 'forgiveness' is the real peace we are yearning for. For whatever reasons, the rule-of-thumb would always remains as it is; which for me – to stay humble and respect people. Yes, people, if I don’t appear to be down-to-earth; or being disrespectful to others; please tell. I mean it.
As for love, I will strive, and give my very best; to stay in-love. I am a memory-cherisher (yes, lame huh?) but that is all I have, and we have - before death do us part. Yes, again. Me-love, if you are reading this, I sincerely hope that close-to-death-experience should teach us good; of how to appreciate one another, our sacrifices, and most importantly; our years to come. Please understand that nothing will come before you. You know how much I love you. If we happen to complicate things, no one else shall fix it but us. Promise me. Please. Need that.
Intann : 18 days in 2010, things shall be different. Please pray for me people. I love you.