Signs of screwing up??

It's 5 in the morning. Apparently I can't get my eyes to sleep anymore. I had had enough sleep yesterday -- out of fever. I vomitted profusely et my head was so darn heavy. Felt like I was in a spinning room, I can barely walk. O'yes, the ubat was too, so strong. Once eating them, I dozed off in merely seconds!

Upon having my eyes so widely open, I can't help from having a lot of thoughts from deep inside myself. Good and bad thoughts are battling, raging -- I feel like screaming. I know, I should by now (hello, I am 30!)deal with every single problem I am facing now, but, just that -- urm.. on second thoughts, I realize that all my problems AREN'T A PROBLEM AT ALL. That's the problemo.

Yes, it is all ME.

And Yes, I know, am blaming myself again. Sadly, it is true, It's me. I can't afford to deny it somehow, don't I?

I don't communicate well, not with husband, not with bosses, not with my subordinates. I keep things to myself. I'm scared at all times. Scared of this, scared of that, scared of hurting people's felings, scared of being scolded and hated, scared of losing, scared of being presumed as loser, stupid and ALL!

Intann : And at the age of 30, I am asking myself about all this? That is indeed pathethic!